Papa Humanity

 

When God made man, he said:

“Let there be papas,”

which is why man was made

in the image of a potato.

That's when God got really inspired,

when he conceived the idea of eyes

as he contemplated the potato he had made.

And he then pictured the human brain

with all its mushy white nerves

that we use to proclaim

our Promethean excellence.

 

Recently, in research for better wi-fi,

scientists have copied a page from God's blueprint

by arranging potatoes in the shape of men and women,

bagging, bundling, and belting them

into jumbo jet seats on “sold out” flights

to study the effects of radiation.

Potatoes absorb radiation at the exact rate

as scientists and other humans.

 

Whether humankind evolved from the potato

or God made human beings in the image of the potato

is, of course, a silly question.

If we are not living potatoes,

then why do we behave like potatoes?

 

Christians say that they eat God's only son

who was made in man's image,

yet this is clearly an anthropomorphic ritual

that imitates our eating of papas,

in whose image we are made.

Even in Rome, they call their religious leader Papa.

 

Just as papas come from the earth,

we will return to the earth

and partake of the immortality of papas.

 

No matter what you think about any of this,

we should all eat our papas with love.

 

Kevin T. McEneaney